the unfound

Will to succeed is deeply rooted, the perseverance however might not always be full steam, that is so far I’ve come to summarize it. The goals which we establish , and in a way associated with will changes over time, it also exhibits a motley of colors which commensurate with age 


How did it go ?

It was OK, just OK ! I wanted to go in with more thrust but got distracted at the last moment. Now, I’ve to resort to inveigh the whole experience.

I want to be an apostate as the interest is waning and I’m forced to comply with the contemptuous people. I burnished my courage , but I guess no rue yet, I have to convoke my compadres to get an idea of things to come. The hackneyed tactics are up to no good, it looks outright artifice, the obloquy will not be a fair serving. If I’ve to write it with efficacy , its not going well till now. The false sense of security has trudged for quite long, and looks like it is the right time to change things.

The inimical effect of belaboring is not good at the end, these short spurts of happiness or satisfaction is not beneficial in the long run. The philosophy of life is not rotten but it ought to be inspiring. I’m in preparation mode where I’m balancing the odds against the good , the omens which I pray for. The venal desire to succeed is still deep in me , tiny moments in life still plucking the best. I pray that no malice seeps into me, I do not cant into oblivion , I hate to descry the past or dissect it

Once again, it has come to a decision point ,  my heart is racing , and is construing the pithy in an abstruse way. I’m torn here between what I think is coming and what I’ve not not thought about. My mind wants to avert the hapless part of it, although its unfathomable to be mendacious to the self. It may end in a fervid manner, but again, the mind wants to feel good, and has only raving ideals. 





Naught Endeavor

Four hours of misfortune or should i say , four hours of unbridled ecstasy  , I’ve used the term ecstasy to actually mean turmoil. The practice was demeaning, and my hopes were shattered. I had come to this conclusion that all the preparation that I had undergone was good enough for me to get a decent score, but instead it was a slap in the face. It showed me that I had been complacent, and smug. I had been reminded that one should not be lofty , and need to be humble.

So, my journey to practice restarts now. I vow to be grounded , tethered to kindness of the unknown forces, and brave it again


The spiffy nature of your outlook if any is beneficial to your success. Success can be elusive and relative as we all comprehend in myriad ways.

To wallow in the sweltering heat of life’s problems is not what we typically seek for, but we are dealt selflessly. We would be reminded often how tortuous it could be, and how inimical it could turn out to be. More often than ever we are lost in the fight of it, and constantly caught in the diaphanous web of life’s intricacies.We are constantly reminded only when we reflect of how indolent we’ve been; the minutes 

Furthermore, success of happiness , in terms of preference of course, is I think what we strive for. And, if you draw the progression , one will see that these get straitened , often running away and defying the prosaic life, the quiescence may be short lived , but the rarefied aspirations are good to have in my opinion. The eternal platitude which we practice or endure I must say is robbing us of our thought process, our collective intellect, instead it is slowing white washing with abject hopeless impecunious spirit. You will also notice that while in midst of it,you might not notice of it , and probably would have classified as inconsequential, the snake smiles in a mendacious way when we are in calm waters.

The day after

There is always an another day, a day of retribution , a day which butted with the previous day and it’d be with the day after. The self which rises in commensuration with the spirits of the moment, fails to see beyond the immediate future. The future which could be the life changer , or the one which encumbers with lassitude. Which ever the route it might be, the propriety which we show is inconclusive or shall I say is rife with guile. The reproach which is dealt is confusing too , its difficult to proscribe self as there is always a convincing argument favoring the self. The hyperbole which one exudes is so tortuous , at the same time esculent to hear, the pulchritude is spotless , immaculate , afar from indolence.

Feigning illness can be fun, but repeating it needs to be well crafted . I’d say that i was disabused by the benefits of it long ago, and now I’m as disinterested as the justices of the Roman empire. The deference I gained is the firm sign that the boorish past is left in Sahara , and there is no more evincing of effrontery. 

We convoked amidst the members, some were craven by the insurmountable days ahead, some felicitous for the occasion , and others just diffident. The fatuous arguments which flew that day were so banal that they belied the intents of the participants, I did aver with the chief that it was all showy, the assiduous bunch relaxed , but the credulous ones raised bedlam . The chicanery which ensued was renege on their part , but a rancor worth listening to.

I learnt

I learnt that life could move on

I sided with the joyous ones

I played with with recalcitrants 

I muffle my sorrows now

I look out for the sunny days!

Ghastly appreciation

Parochial - Paro-Chia-l - Well know Indian name, a plant , and L(Last Man Standing). I got to get the parochial blinders of me out, the lock,stock, and barrel aptitude. I’ve very much spread the apocryphal notion that I can surmount any obstacle. The inchoate version of this study is just taking shape.My jejune mind has yet to grasp, still feeling pusillanimous , enervated , and downrightly craven. The undertaking is turning piquant, just like a scrabble game , although some part of me wants to be insouciant, and to leave it to the dogs.To that my inner voce said, what arrant nonsense ! its heresy I say, wake up and do some tilling. Indeed the other side says to bother the fallow mind, let is rest , innervate some neurons, and don’t let these fatuous arguments incline you to do stupid things.

My sanguine self , don’t worry, you won’t get blighted , the summer season is nigh , and we’ll have fun. This inveterate laziness is going to get booted, and a prodigious self will emerge. 

Today was another day where i had to fight hard to overcome the feeling of despair, i was stuck on the same point it seemed like and all the things around me were converging . I don’t want to sound haughty or be brazen , i truly don’t see it


The cat jumped on the bed , made it way towards the pillow, and sat next to the pillow as it licked it paws. Gordon still in his slumber had no inkling of his pet sharing the bed, he mildly snored which seemed like pleasant to the cat. Half of the comforter lay on the floor, the flower designs looked undulated on it, and had the purple crocs partially covered. The clock on the side table showed 4:45 , it was too early for Gordon to wake-up , but he wanted to start early to do something productive 

The cat sprung out of the bed and went to the living room. The living rom was lightly lit as the day broke, he tossed on his bed , had a firm grip on his pillow now, still seemed to be lost in some ethereal dream , he smiled a little. Seemed quite propitiate as he lay there, the alarm broke the silence , it started a horrid expression. He jumped and sat there looking at the wall on his side, a painting of a women hung there, she stood precariously on a cliff with a black dress draping , and touching the black rock. The day had started for him , he looked around for some inspiration , but the daunting day stood ahead of him like an intractable kid. Anyway, he didn’t have much choice, and had resolved that he won’t waste time, he’ll focus and get things done. The thought of giving the cat away crossed his mind again, it made him very morose , he petted the cat while deeply reflecting on the outcomes.  

Time was clicking by, he got into shower and popped out immediately , he skipped shave today as he examined by running his palms over his short , spiny beard, it passed the test and had to go unshaven. He ate a slice of bread with mayo and jelly , one of his foibles  , hard to escape. 

He ran downstairs as he had to catch the 8am metro to downtown, the old cabal factory , bunch of old armenian men hung out by the coffee shop, as usual murmuring when I passed by, I didn’t blink and exchanged my usual few words in armenian saying ‘old indolent bastards’ , of course with some accent, some of them in the group dressed quite foppishly , and had a florid complexion, probably because of sun burn I suppose. After exchanging the calumny, I rushed to underground, there were men volleying abusive stuff , there were kids remonstrating , there were flak coming down the wireless phones, small kids getting upbraided , amidst all this, I scooted to catch my no 42 , it all seemed like a big rabble rather itinerant.

After the hustle bustle, he reached by 9 am, observing , studying, listening to music, reading etc, as he walked inside the receptionist was practicing her encomium on my boss , I walked past , said ‘hello’, and got to my desk, things are always gloomy here, I get lot of flak for being reticent, but I’ve stopped being bellicose, I take the reproach with salt and let my mind play with the quixotic self which elicits some remote joy out of this whole ridiculous office culture. Next to him sat Charles , the eternal quibbler , I should say, the lustrous , blasphemous quibbler , on the phone only, when you face him , he becomes flustered and uncommunicative , but in my dictionary he is complete reprobate. I wished I could force Charles to recant his whole foggy character. His outrageous effrontery drives me nuts , his relentless cant is justly mindless , steadily  accreting , abstruse in nature , and best of all his pretension is nothing but faux verisimilitude 

Waldow spoke

Take two” he said. 

"well, good ridden, history escapes me ! I dare not speak ill"

Afternoon 2pm, the black jeep came to a stop in front of the post office, it jolted as the driver shut the engine off. A lady stepped out, she lugged a big white khaki bag , it seemed to be stuffed with while swollen envelopes , one the one which stood tall, it read ’ Great White Labs’. She wore an embroidered white laced hang on top of a white blouse, the grey bra strap parted way next to her supple neck, a red lipstick laid too dark and sunglasses were still resting on her well braided hair. She walked towards the door , a mild breeze pushed a gray maple leaf close to her heels as she was about to place her right feet on the stairs, then the left feet gently pressed it .

2 hours before - ‘Whats wrong Pete?” Your rather innate rant, it upsets me, it feels as if I’m being labeled as obdurate , I’ve to beg for respect, its quite awkward to sustain this demeanor. 

To give a background, the intricate self of Pete is all but hidden, it never rears its face, he presents a lively side , the affable side , you would ask why ? The Drs would say its to compensate for rejection , or from fear of being alienated. 

Salubrious ad vice

Advice is not always salubrious. Let me try to explain why ? Every human being mostly feels good about having a listener, yes a listener ! You can go on and on about how your life experiences have shaped you, gave you insights, taught you tricks , and made you smart . And, of course,  your chiseled brazen face doesn’t belie either , and that scar on your forehead accentuates it. The listener on the other side , sitting on the proverbial step of insanity is looking for a short-cut, he/she doesn’t have time or the money to drive through life’s tortuous highways, he needs to get their now and it ought to be fast.

(its easy to sound chauvinistic by using ‘he’ , let me justify that by saying ‘he’ is 2 keys, ‘she’ is 3 keys - I want to be the listener)

Now, lets introspect the speaker, his life hasn’t been the idyllic as your brain is imagining, as a child he was pusillanimous  , he often got into fights with his classmates because they all labelled him uncommunicative and terse. He knew that what the other kids were saying was correct , but his intractable heart was not ready to accept , he somehow believed that one day the weakness will disappear and a strong self will emerge. Later, it was concluded that fighting spirit was ephemeral and soon the sports will take over 

There is a certain way to approach an argument, not to be forceful but to be soft spoken and mild mannered. 

You’ve to work hard at it. “why not ?, you’ve to work hard !” As simple as it sounds , it is true indeed. The hoary gentlemen would attest to that as most of them have lived to tell that it does work.

In a country where handwork is glorified and countlessly chanted to be the freedom giver from poverty, it has become cornerstone to the immigrants who have made this their home.

Men do act impetuously sometimes which they’ve come to regret, and thats the reason for being impatient ,incoherent and not cogent. It is sort of taking a short-cut to a healthy conversation, one becomes too cozy with the freedom to say whatever one fancies at that time and be adherent to that without thinking about the reasoning or the validity of what they just said.Lot of arguments do start like this and make us look not so trenchant.

So, how about for a change try this,  listen and listen, and construct your reply after you imbue the speaker’s conversation, and have understood the context to some extent.

The bastion of hope can only last for this long , the bauble on the victory beret is pointless, there is childhood yore which breeds optimism into you , then the zeal dissipates when you cross into teens, then the wry face sows up when you pass the hump , you letting out freedom wisps , trying to portray winsome charm , you could b witty but willowy soul if yours is getting inebriated with the pints of indomitable hope,p you are far from wilting , you might be little equivocal , you hair wafting in your mobile vehicle , usually no where to let out the umbrage , your unbridled courage , with unfeigned affection, and urbane . Me only tyro , trying to wade my way through the turgid waters

The bastion of hope can only last for this long , the bauble on the victory beret is pointless, there is childhood yore which breeds optimism into you , then the zeal dissipates when you cross into teens, then the wry face sows up when you pass the hump , you letting out freedom wisps , trying to portray winsome charm , you could b witty but willowy soul if yours is getting inebriated with the pints of indomitable hope,p you are far from wilting , you might be little equivocal , you hair wafting in your mobile vehicle , usually no where to let out the umbrage , your unbridled courage , with unfeigned affection, and urbane . Me only tyro , trying to wade my way through the turgid waters